The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house
All that cold, bleh, wet day.
I sat there with Sally, we sat there we two. And I said, “How I wish we had something to do!” Too wet to go out and too cold to play ball. So we sat in the house. We did nothing at all. So all we could do was to Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!
And we did not like it. Not one little bit. And then something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump!
We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him! The Fat in the Hat!
(Fat! Hat! In French, Grosse Chapeau!
In Spanish, El Gordito en el Sombrero!)
And he said to us, “Why do you sit there like that?” “I know it is wet And the sun is not sunny. But we can have lots of good noms that are nommy!"
Like cake! Cried the Fat! (The cake is a lie! cried the atheist fish, and the cat said "Shaddap you" and covered him with a dish)
Then we pulled down the cake and we eeted it all.
“I know some good games we could play,” Smirked the Fat. “I know some new tricks,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you.
Your mother will not mind at allllll if I do.” Then Sally and I did not know what to say. Our mother was out of the house for the day!
But ol Pedant the fish said, “No! No! Make that Fat go away! Tell that Fat in the Hat you do NOT want to play. He should not be here. He should not be about. He
should not be here when your mother is out!”
“Now! Now! Have no fear. Have no fear!” snerked the Fat. “My tricks are not baaaad,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “Why, we can have lots of good fun, if you wish,
With a game that I call...
UP UP UP with a fish!” “Put me down!” howled the fish. “This is no fun at all! Put me down!” said the fish. “I do NOT wish to fall!”
“Have no fear!” said the Fat. “I will not let you fall. I will hold you up high as I stand on a ball. With a book on one hand! And a cup on my hat! But that
is not ALL I can do!” said the Fat... “Look at me! Look at me now!” said the Fat. “With a cup and a cake on the top of my hat! I can hold up TWO books! I
can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some milk on a dish! And look! I can hop up and down on the ball! And the fish on a snake! I can hold the
toy ship And a little toy man! And look! With my tail I can hold a red fan! I can fan with the fan As I hop on the ball! But that is not all. Oh, no. That is
not all...”
That is what the Fat said... Then he fell on his head! (How many times have you performed this task? we said to the Fat: "Many! Why do you ask?")
He came down with a bump from up there on the ball. And Sally and I, We saw ALL the things fall!
And our fish came down, too. He fell into the Pot! He said, DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER OF THIS, O DO NOT!
“Do I like this? Oh, no! I do not. This is not a good game,” Said our fish as he lit. He sucked in deeply and then whined, "This tastes like s**t" “No, I do not like it, Not one little bit!”
“Now look what you did!”
Said the fish to the cat. “Now look at this house! Look at this! Look at that! You sank our toy ship, and eeted the cake! You shook up our house And you
scared our new snake. You SHOULD NOT be here when our mother is not. You get out of this house!” Said the fish in the Pot.
“But I like it here. Oh, I like it a lot!” Said the Fat in the Hat To the fish in the Pot. “I will NOT go away. I do NOT wish to go! And so,” said the Cat
in the Hat, “So so so... I will show you Another good game that I know!”
And then he ran out. And then, fast as a fox, The Cat in the Hat Came back in with a box. A big red wood box. It was shut with a hook. (It wiggled and jiggled with sniggers like Muttley) “Now look at this
trick,” Said the cat. “Take a look!”
The paranoid fish fixed the box with a glance that was firm. WTF is in there? I hope it's a big juicy worm, for Now I've the munchies, from that blasted old
Pot!
Then Fat got on top With a tip of his hat. “I call this game FUN IN A BOX,” Said the Fat.
“In this box are two things I will show to you now. You will like these two things,” Said the Fat with a bow. “I will pick up the hook. You will see
something new. Two things. And I call them Thing One and Thing Two. These things will not bite you. (probably) They want to have fun!” Then, out of the box
Came
Thing
Two
and
Thing
One!
And they ran to us fast!! They said, “How do you do? Would you like to shake hands With Thing One and Thing Two?”
(THING TWO WAS A DONKEY AND HE DANCED A QUEER DANCE, THING ONE WAS A PREACHER AND HE PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS. NOT HERE SAID THE DONKEY, AND ALL LOOKED ASKANCE)
And Sally and I Did not know what to do. So we had to shake hands With Thing One and Thing Two. We shook their two hands. But our fish said, “No! No! Those
Things should not be In this house! Make them go! “They should not be here When your mother is not! Put them out! Put them out!” Said the fish in the Pot.
"Do you know where those hands have BEEN?" screamed the fish, and the Fat covered him back up with a dish. “Have no fear,little fish,” Said the Fat in the
Hat. “These things are good Things.” And he gave them a pat. “They are tame. Oh, so tame! They have come here to play. They will give you some FUN! On this
wet, wet day.”
“Now, here is a game that they like,” Said the Fat. “They like to play house!” Said the Fat in the Hat. “No! Not the house game!” moaned the fish in the Pot.
“They should not play house in this house! They should not. Oh, the things they will bump! Oh, the things they will hit! Oh, I do not like it! Not one little
bit!” Then Sally and I Saw them run down the hall. We watched the priest ride the donkey down the hall! with a stick! hitting the wall! Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump! Down the wall in the hall.
Thing Two and Thing One! They ran up! They ran down! Then Kafleen the Donkey had on Mother’s new gown! Her gown with the dots That are pink, white and red. The preacher was lifting the gown with the stick!
Then we saw Dawnkey kick the head of her bed!
Then those Things ran about With big bumps,
jumps and kicks And with hops and big thumps And all KINDS of bad tricks. (If you asked me you would not want to know!) And I said, “I do NOT like the way that they play! If Mother could see this, Oh,
what would she say!Then our fish said, “Look! Look!” And our fish shook with fear. “Your mother is on her way home! Do you hear? Oh, what will she do to us? Oh, what will she do to us? What will she say? Oh, she will not like it To find us this way!” “So, DO something! Fast!” said
the fish. “Do you hear! I saw her. Your mother! Your mother is near! So, as fast as you can, Think of something to do! You will have to get rid of Thing One
and Thing Two!” So, as fast as I could, I went after my net. And I said, “With my net I can get them I bet. I bet, with my net, I can get those Things yet!”
Then I let down my net. It came down the a PLOP! And I had them! At last! Those two Things had to stop. Then I said to the cat, “Now, you do as I say. You
pack up those Things And you take them away!” “Oh dear!” said the Fat. “You did not like our game... Oh dear. What shame! What a shame! What a shame!” Then
he shut up the Things In the box with the hook. And the Fat went away With a sad kind of look. “That is good" said the fish.”He has gone away. Yes. But your
mother will come. She will find this big mess! And this mess is so big And so deep and so tall, we can not pick it up. There is no way at all!” And THEN! Who
was back in the house? Why, the Fat! “Have no fear of this mess,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “I always pick up all my playthings And so... I will show you
another good trick that I know!” Then we saw him pick up all the things that were down. He picked the cake, and the snake, And the gown, and the milk, and
the strings, and the books, and the dish, and the fan, and the cup, and the ship, and the fish. And he put them away. Then he said, “That is that.” And then
he was gone, with the tip of his hat. Then our mother came in And said said to us two, “Did you have any fun? Tell me. What did you do?” And Sally and I did
not know What to say. Should we tell her The things that went on there that day? She we tell her about it? Now, what SHOULD we do? Well... what would YOU do
If you mother asked YOU?
Then the fish had to blab, as often they do. It opened its mouth and proceeded to spew!
"Twas a FAT!" yelled the fish, "in HAT with a BOX! He trashed the whole HOUSE and ate up the lox! They eeted the cake, and smarmed your poor bed! Then traumatized Eddie the snake, he's near dead! They rolled out the TP and rubbed butts on the plates! They did strange twisted things in the bedroom and wait! There's more!" cried the fish as he flopped in the Pot and the mother stopped then, dead on the spot.
She took a deep sniff and looked in his eyes. "Say not one more word of your traitorous lies. You've been at it again, you felonious fish. Oh, why do I leave you in charge...I just wish...I could trust you just once! To take care the house, and not get stoned to the gills, you slippery louse."
He flopped to the bottom, and stared, red eyed at the door. He'd get that damned donkey, someday, he swore.
The End
All that cold, bleh, wet day.
I sat there with Sally, we sat there we two. And I said, “How I wish we had something to do!” Too wet to go out and too cold to play ball. So we sat in the house. We did nothing at all. So all we could do was to Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!
And we did not like it. Not one little bit. And then something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump!
We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him! The Fat in the Hat!
(Fat! Hat! In French, Grosse Chapeau!
In Spanish, El Gordito en el Sombrero!)
And he said to us, “Why do you sit there like that?” “I know it is wet And the sun is not sunny. But we can have lots of good noms that are nommy!"
Like cake! Cried the Fat! (The cake is a lie! cried the atheist fish, and the cat said "Shaddap you" and covered him with a dish)
Then we pulled down the cake and we eeted it all.
“I know some good games we could play,” Smirked the Fat. “I know some new tricks,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you.
Your mother will not mind at allllll if I do.” Then Sally and I did not know what to say. Our mother was out of the house for the day!
But ol Pedant the fish said, “No! No! Make that Fat go away! Tell that Fat in the Hat you do NOT want to play. He should not be here. He should not be about. He
should not be here when your mother is out!”
“Now! Now! Have no fear. Have no fear!” snerked the Fat. “My tricks are not baaaad,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “Why, we can have lots of good fun, if you wish,
With a game that I call...
UP UP UP with a fish!” “Put me down!” howled the fish. “This is no fun at all! Put me down!” said the fish. “I do NOT wish to fall!”
“Have no fear!” said the Fat. “I will not let you fall. I will hold you up high as I stand on a ball. With a book on one hand! And a cup on my hat! But that
is not ALL I can do!” said the Fat... “Look at me! Look at me now!” said the Fat. “With a cup and a cake on the top of my hat! I can hold up TWO books! I
can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some milk on a dish! And look! I can hop up and down on the ball! And the fish on a snake! I can hold the
toy ship And a little toy man! And look! With my tail I can hold a red fan! I can fan with the fan As I hop on the ball! But that is not all. Oh, no. That is
not all...”
That is what the Fat said... Then he fell on his head! (How many times have you performed this task? we said to the Fat: "Many! Why do you ask?")
He came down with a bump from up there on the ball. And Sally and I, We saw ALL the things fall!
And our fish came down, too. He fell into the Pot! He said, DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER OF THIS, O DO NOT!
“Do I like this? Oh, no! I do not. This is not a good game,” Said our fish as he lit. He sucked in deeply and then whined, "This tastes like s**t" “No, I do not like it, Not one little bit!”
“Now look what you did!”
Said the fish to the cat. “Now look at this house! Look at this! Look at that! You sank our toy ship, and eeted the cake! You shook up our house And you
scared our new snake. You SHOULD NOT be here when our mother is not. You get out of this house!” Said the fish in the Pot.
“But I like it here. Oh, I like it a lot!” Said the Fat in the Hat To the fish in the Pot. “I will NOT go away. I do NOT wish to go! And so,” said the Cat
in the Hat, “So so so... I will show you Another good game that I know!”
And then he ran out. And then, fast as a fox, The Cat in the Hat Came back in with a box. A big red wood box. It was shut with a hook. (It wiggled and jiggled with sniggers like Muttley) “Now look at this
trick,” Said the cat. “Take a look!”
The paranoid fish fixed the box with a glance that was firm. WTF is in there? I hope it's a big juicy worm, for Now I've the munchies, from that blasted old
Pot!
Then Fat got on top With a tip of his hat. “I call this game FUN IN A BOX,” Said the Fat.
“In this box are two things I will show to you now. You will like these two things,” Said the Fat with a bow. “I will pick up the hook. You will see
something new. Two things. And I call them Thing One and Thing Two. These things will not bite you. (probably) They want to have fun!” Then, out of the box
Came
Thing
Two
and
Thing
One!
And they ran to us fast!! They said, “How do you do? Would you like to shake hands With Thing One and Thing Two?”
(THING TWO WAS A DONKEY AND HE DANCED A QUEER DANCE, THING ONE WAS A PREACHER AND HE PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS. NOT HERE SAID THE DONKEY, AND ALL LOOKED ASKANCE)
And Sally and I Did not know what to do. So we had to shake hands With Thing One and Thing Two. We shook their two hands. But our fish said, “No! No! Those
Things should not be In this house! Make them go! “They should not be here When your mother is not! Put them out! Put them out!” Said the fish in the Pot.
"Do you know where those hands have BEEN?" screamed the fish, and the Fat covered him back up with a dish. “Have no fear,little fish,” Said the Fat in the
Hat. “These things are good Things.” And he gave them a pat. “They are tame. Oh, so tame! They have come here to play. They will give you some FUN! On this
wet, wet day.”
“Now, here is a game that they like,” Said the Fat. “They like to play house!” Said the Fat in the Hat. “No! Not the house game!” moaned the fish in the Pot.
“They should not play house in this house! They should not. Oh, the things they will bump! Oh, the things they will hit! Oh, I do not like it! Not one little
bit!” Then Sally and I Saw them run down the hall. We watched the priest ride the donkey down the hall! with a stick! hitting the wall! Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump! Down the wall in the hall.
Thing Two and Thing One! They ran up! They ran down! Then Kafleen the Donkey had on Mother’s new gown! Her gown with the dots That are pink, white and red. The preacher was lifting the gown with the stick!
Then we saw Dawnkey kick the head of her bed!
Then those Things ran about With big bumps,
jumps and kicks And with hops and big thumps And all KINDS of bad tricks. (If you asked me you would not want to know!) And I said, “I do NOT like the way that they play! If Mother could see this, Oh,
what would she say!Then our fish said, “Look! Look!” And our fish shook with fear. “Your mother is on her way home! Do you hear? Oh, what will she do to us? Oh, what will she do to us? What will she say? Oh, she will not like it To find us this way!” “So, DO something! Fast!” said
the fish. “Do you hear! I saw her. Your mother! Your mother is near! So, as fast as you can, Think of something to do! You will have to get rid of Thing One
and Thing Two!” So, as fast as I could, I went after my net. And I said, “With my net I can get them I bet. I bet, with my net, I can get those Things yet!”
Then I let down my net. It came down the a PLOP! And I had them! At last! Those two Things had to stop. Then I said to the cat, “Now, you do as I say. You
pack up those Things And you take them away!” “Oh dear!” said the Fat. “You did not like our game... Oh dear. What shame! What a shame! What a shame!” Then
he shut up the Things In the box with the hook. And the Fat went away With a sad kind of look. “That is good" said the fish.”He has gone away. Yes. But your
mother will come. She will find this big mess! And this mess is so big And so deep and so tall, we can not pick it up. There is no way at all!” And THEN! Who
was back in the house? Why, the Fat! “Have no fear of this mess,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “I always pick up all my playthings And so... I will show you
another good trick that I know!” Then we saw him pick up all the things that were down. He picked the cake, and the snake, And the gown, and the milk, and
the strings, and the books, and the dish, and the fan, and the cup, and the ship, and the fish. And he put them away. Then he said, “That is that.” And then
he was gone, with the tip of his hat. Then our mother came in And said said to us two, “Did you have any fun? Tell me. What did you do?” And Sally and I did
not know What to say. Should we tell her The things that went on there that day? She we tell her about it? Now, what SHOULD we do? Well... what would YOU do
If you mother asked YOU?
Then the fish had to blab, as often they do. It opened its mouth and proceeded to spew!
"Twas a FAT!" yelled the fish, "in HAT with a BOX! He trashed the whole HOUSE and ate up the lox! They eeted the cake, and smarmed your poor bed! Then traumatized Eddie the snake, he's near dead! They rolled out the TP and rubbed butts on the plates! They did strange twisted things in the bedroom and wait! There's more!" cried the fish as he flopped in the Pot and the mother stopped then, dead on the spot.
She took a deep sniff and looked in his eyes. "Say not one more word of your traitorous lies. You've been at it again, you felonious fish. Oh, why do I leave you in charge...I just wish...I could trust you just once! To take care the house, and not get stoned to the gills, you slippery louse."
He flopped to the bottom, and stared, red eyed at the door. He'd get that damned donkey, someday, he swore.
The End
Aww, Kaffy. You posted my story for me! How can I ever thank you?
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