New Flicker Account

My new Flicker account is just opened so I will be adding things to it, all kinds of things.

Here's the link

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dawnkeyfromuranus/

Stuff About Me

Somebody asked so I kinda went overboard.

I like to pick dead skin.
My hair is longer than it really is.
I hear stupid sounds.
I am asymmetrical. I believe this happened because TFM decided to lift TBM, causing her water to break. I was already 2 weeks late, but was not ready to come out yet. This caused me to have to appear before I was ready. This angered me. They used forceps to facilitate it. I believe that is why I am asymmetrical. When one Googles this subject one finds a wealth of odd information on what it does to a person.
I think I had a birth defect.
I have a star on me.
I used to think I was Anne Frank. For years. The meds sort of discouraged it.
I dislike licorice, Miracle Whip, Salmon Patties, stew, beans, cornbread, hotdogs, subpar Ranch dressing, pink or orange dressing, breaded or stewed tomatoes, strawberry milkshakes, very large dogs, some frogs, pontificating pedants except for me and a few of my closest friends, hypocrites who are not me, people who cannot see the forest for the trees, people who leave the seat up, dust along the floor where it meets the wall, people who say "Your stupid," extraneous apostrophe use, smug smiles, coyness, meowing except from cats, surprise blockage, group bullying.
I used to be the dodge ball dodge champion.
I've been on TV, Dad has been on TV, and Sean has been on TV.
I have taken tap, ballet, and jazz.
I have been onstage and acting thrills me to the marrow. I am a ham.
I require lots of love.
I love weird stuff.
I GIS for gross things. It thrills me. No one can gross me out.
I once was in training to be an EMT.
I once was in training to be a cosmetologist.
I do not finish things I start.
I am outrageously, breathtakingly lazy.
I have big feet.
I could take the biggest, meanest, cruelest Indian Arm Burn ever.
I become enraged if I hurt my foot.
I enjoy playing the snaps.
I am hard to beat.
I am talented.
I look nice in powder blue and pink.
I used to get migraines.
I have bad sleep apnea.
I enjoy my sleep paralysis.
I used to be the best speller ever. Now my brain is degenerating.
Once I forgot how to spell my middle name cuz I never use it.
I once got a postcard from Jackie Earle Haley. He said he loved me.
My biggest ambition in life is to be a superhero.

Bilbo Got Run Over By A Donkey

Bilbo got run over by a Donkey
Posting on the internet this eve
You can say there's no such thing as Karma
But as for all the Christians, we believe

He'd been drinkin' too much egg nog
And was getting rather crass
And he'd forgot his medication
So he logged on to the site and showed his ***.

When they found him Christmas mornin'
At the scene of the attack
There were hoof prints on his forehead
And incriminatin' bite marks on his back

Bilbo got run over by a donkey
Postin on the internet this eve
You can say there's no such thing as Karma
But as for all the Christians, we believe

Now we're all so sad for Camille
She's been knocked right for a loop
See her in there watchin' Maury
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin 'Poop.

It's not Christmas without Bilbo
All the family's dressed in black
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we drink up all his booze or snort his crack?


Bilbo got run over by a donkey
Postin on the internet this eve
You can say there's no such thing as Karma
But as for all we Christians, we believe

Now the goose is on the table
And the ginger made for fig
And a lovely big fat candle
That would just have put the oomph in Bilbo's jig

Now I've warned all my contacts
Better watch out for yourselves
They should never give accounts to
A chick that's on psych meds and talks to elves.

Bilbo got run over by a donkey
Postin on the internet this eve
You can say there's no such thing as Karma
But as for all we Christians, we believe!

THE EARLS

The Coaltion of Glory is working on compiling scripture to be contained in a works called THE EARLS.


Here is a list of the books in the book. This list is not exhaustive.

THE INSTIGATORS
STUPIDHEADS
"Stupid heads should be dealt with immediately and their punishment should be this: they shall be viley and firmly looked at. They must be looked at long, and they must be looked at hard. Do not say,"Oh, I have gazed upon the stupidhead for three seconds now, that should suffice," Nay! Look not at the stupidhead less than seven seconds, no, not six, nor eight (a donkey shall bite thee!) but seven, and then blink slowly and look away. Do not gaze again upon the stupid head for a long, long moment."
BOB
LETTERS
THE PEDANTS
GOLUM
I GNOMES
II GNOMES
CORNMAN
GLADYS
GUERNVILLIANS
VIRGINS
THE SOUP MAKERS
CONFLAGRATION
INTIMIDATION
SMITINGS
CATS
I FURBYS
II FURBYS
III FURBYS
ANGRY DONKEYS
LULLABYS
THE EARLS

The Fat in the Hat

The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house

All that cold, bleh, wet day.

I sat there with Sally, we sat there we two. And I said, “How I wish we had something to do!” Too wet to go out and too cold to play ball. So we sat in the house. We did nothing at all. So all we could do was to Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!

And we did not like it. Not one little bit. And then something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump!

We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him! The Fat in the Hat!

(Fat! Hat! In French, Grosse Chapeau!
In Spanish, El Gordito en el Sombrero!)


And he said to us, “Why do you sit there like that?” “I know it is wet And the sun is not sunny. But we can have lots of good noms that are nommy!"

Like cake! Cried the Fat! (The cake is a lie! cried the atheist fish, and the cat said "Shaddap you" and covered him with a dish)

Then we pulled down the cake and we eeted it all.

 “I know some good games we could play,” Smirked the Fat. “I know some new tricks,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you.

Your mother will not mind at allllll if I do.” Then Sally and I did not know what to say. Our mother was out of the house for the day!



But  ol Pedant the fish said, “No! No! Make that Fat go away! Tell that Fat in the Hat you do NOT want to play. He should not be here. He should not be about. He

should not be here when your mother is out!”

“Now! Now! Have no fear. Have no fear!” snerked the Fat. “My tricks are not baaaad,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “Why, we can  have lots of good fun, if you wish,

With a game that I call...




UP UP UP with a fish!” “Put me down!” howled the fish. “This is no fun at all! Put me down!” said the fish. “I do NOT wish to fall!”




“Have no fear!” said the Fat. “I will not let you fall. I will hold you up high as I stand on a ball. With a book on one hand! And a cup on my hat! But that

is not ALL I can do!” said the Fat... “Look at me! Look at me now!” said the Fat. “With a cup and a cake on the  top of my hat! I can hold up TWO books! I

can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some milk on a dish! And look! I can hop up and down on the ball!  And the fish on a snake! I can hold the

toy ship And a little toy man! And look! With my tail I can hold a red fan! I can fan with the fan As I hop on the ball! But that is not all. Oh, no. That is

not all...”

That is what the Fat said... Then he fell on his head! (How many times have you performed this task? we said to the Fat: "Many! Why do you ask?")

He came down with a bump from up there on the ball. And Sally and I, We saw ALL the things fall!

 And our fish came down, too. He fell into the Pot! He said, DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER OF THIS, O DO NOT!

 “Do I like this? Oh, no! I do not. This is not a good game,” Said our fish as he lit. He sucked in deeply and then whined, "This tastes like s**t" “No, I do not like it, Not one little bit!”

“Now look what you did!”
Said the fish to the cat. “Now look at this house! Look at this! Look at that! You sank our toy ship, and eeted the cake! You shook up our house And you

scared our new snake. You SHOULD NOT be here when our mother is not. You get out of this house!” Said the fish in the Pot.

“But I like it here.  Oh, I like it a lot!” Said the Fat in the Hat To the fish in the Pot. “I will NOT go away. I do NOT wish to go! And so,” said the Cat

in the Hat, “So so so... I will show you Another good game that I know!”

And then he ran out. And then, fast as a fox, The Cat in the Hat Came back in with a box. A big red wood box. It was shut with a hook. (It wiggled and jiggled with sniggers like Muttley) “Now look at this

trick,” Said the cat. “Take a look!”

The paranoid fish fixed the box with a glance that was firm. WTF is in there? I hope it's a big juicy worm, for Now I've the munchies, from that blasted old

Pot!

Then Fat got on top With a tip of his hat. “I call this game FUN IN A BOX,”  Said the Fat.

 “In this box are two things I will show to you now. You will like these two things,” Said the Fat with a bow. “I will pick up the hook. You will see

something new. Two things. And I call them Thing One and Thing Two. These things will not bite you. (probably) They want to have fun!” Then, out of the box

Came
Thing
Two
and
Thing
One!



And they ran to us fast!! They said, “How do you do? Would you like to shake hands With Thing One and Thing Two?”  

(THING TWO WAS A DONKEY AND HE DANCED A QUEER DANCE, THING ONE WAS A PREACHER AND HE PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS. NOT HERE SAID THE DONKEY, AND ALL LOOKED ASKANCE)




And Sally and I Did not know what to do. So we had to shake hands With Thing One and Thing Two. We shook their two hands. But our fish said, “No! No! Those

Things should not be In this house! Make them go! “They should not be here When your mother is not! Put them out! Put them out!” Said the fish in the Pot.

"Do you know where those hands have BEEN?" screamed the fish, and the Fat covered him back up with a dish. “Have no fear,little fish,” Said the Fat in the

Hat. “These things are good Things.” And he gave them a pat. “They are tame. Oh, so tame! They have come here to play. They will give you some FUN! On this

wet, wet day.”
“Now, here is a game that they like,” Said the Fat. “They like to play house!” Said the Fat in the Hat. “No! Not the house game!” moaned the fish in the Pot.

“They should not play house in this house! They should not. Oh, the things they will bump! Oh, the things they will hit! Oh, I do not like it! Not one little

bit!” Then Sally and I Saw them run down the hall. We watched the priest ride the donkey down the hall! with a stick! hitting the wall! Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump! Down the wall in the hall.

Thing Two and Thing One! They ran up! They ran down! Then Kafleen the Donkey had on  Mother’s new gown!  Her gown with the dots That are pink, white and red. The preacher was lifting the gown with the stick!

Then we saw Dawnkey kick the head of her bed!



 Then those Things ran about With big bumps,

jumps and kicks And with hops and big thumps And all KINDS of bad tricks. (If you asked me you would not want to know!) And I said, “I do NOT like the way that they play! If Mother could see this, Oh,

what would she say!Then our fish said, “Look! Look!” And our fish shook with fear. “Your mother is on her way home! Do you hear? Oh, what will she do to us?  Oh, what will she do to us? What will she say? Oh, she will not like it To find us this way!” “So, DO something! Fast!” said

the fish. “Do you hear! I saw her. Your mother! Your mother is near! So, as fast as you can, Think of something to do! You will have to get rid of Thing One

and Thing Two!” So, as fast as I could, I went after my net. And I said, “With my net I can get them I bet. I bet, with my net, I can get those Things yet!”

Then I let down my net. It came down the a PLOP! And I had them! At last! Those  two Things had to stop. Then I said to the cat, “Now, you do as I say. You

pack up those Things And you take them away!” “Oh dear!” said the Fat. “You did not like our game... Oh dear. What shame! What a shame! What a shame!” Then

he shut up the Things In the box with the hook. And the Fat went away With a sad kind of look. “That is good" said the fish.”He has gone away. Yes. But your

mother will come. She will find this big mess! And this mess is so big And so deep and so tall, we can not pick it up. There is no way at all!” And THEN! Who

was back in the house? Why, the Fat! “Have no fear of this mess,” Said the Fat in the Hat. “I always pick up all my playthings And so... I will show you

another good trick that I know!” Then we saw him pick up all the things that were down. He picked  the cake, and the snake, And the gown, and the milk, and

the strings, and the books, and the dish, and the fan, and the cup, and the ship, and the fish. And he  put them away. Then he said, “That is that.” And then

he was gone, with the tip of his hat. Then our mother came in And said said to us two, “Did you have any fun? Tell me. What did you do?” And Sally and I did

not know What to say. Should we tell her The things that went on there that day? She we tell her about it? Now, what SHOULD we do? Well... what would YOU do

If you mother asked YOU?



Then the fish had to blab, as often they do. It opened its mouth and proceeded to spew! 

"Twas a FAT!" yelled the fish, "in HAT with a BOX! He trashed the whole HOUSE and  ate up the lox! They eeted the cake, and smarmed your poor bed! Then traumatized Eddie the snake, he's near dead! They rolled out the TP and rubbed butts on the plates! They did strange twisted things in the bedroom and wait! There's more!" cried the fish as he flopped in the Pot and the mother stopped then, dead on the spot.

She took a deep sniff and looked in his eyes.  "Say not one more word of your traitorous lies. You've been at it again, you felonious fish. Oh, why do I leave you in charge...I just wish...I could trust you just once! To take care the house, and not get stoned to the gills, you slippery louse."

He flopped to the bottom, and stared, red eyed at the door. He'd get that damned donkey, someday, he swore.

The End

YOU ARE the product.

Things That Do Not Please Me

I have been forced to make many posts on R&S naming the things that displease me, only to be deleted.


 Therefore I will list them here, as they come to me.

1. Miracle Whip
2. Salmon patties
3. Vampires (references to them anger me.)
4. Answering "what" and "huh" to my witty posts.
5. When I say cat, you do not say meow! When I say car, you do not say "vroom." Do not respond with the first dullardy thing that pops in your head. This is not m*****f****** free association.
6. Stupidheads will be looked at for 7 seconds. Here is the scripture on Stupidhead treatment: Stupidheads should be dealt with immediately and their punishment should be this: they shall be viley and firmly looked at. They must be looked at long, and they must be looked at hard. Do not say,"Oh, I have gazed upon the stupidhead for three seconds now, that should suffice," Nay! Look not at the stupidhead less than seven seconds, no, not six, nor eight (a donkey shall bite thee!) but seven, and then blink slowly and look away. Do not gaze again upon the stupid head for a long, long moment.
7.  Donkeys do not approve of humidity.
8. Spam is not a valid comestible. 
9. Orange and grey are not a valid color combination.
10. When you think a raisin is a chocolate chip, and then find out you are mistaken. This is extremely disappointing.
11. Redhots will not be tolerated. (the hotdog, not the candy)
12. Erroneous use of apostrophes.
13. Bears!
14. Monkey cards
15. Drugs are bad, mmkay? <----- saying this as a response to any clever whimsicality you have no pleasant retort to. 
16. Nasty public restrooms
17. When mother parks outside of the wheelable cart area and we have to drag/carry the cart to the car because the wheels don't work.
18. Being awakened from a nap to do something someone ELSE could have quickly done THEIR SELF.
19. When people ask brain-damaged questions like, "What are you doing, bringing that thing?" to which the answer is obvious, "Bringing that thing!"
20. People who do not understand how lining up works. 
21. Waiting.
22. Yardwork.
23. Eagle, Bear, and Wolf sweatshirts